Andrew was able to borrow the doppler from work today so he brought it home and we were able to hear our sweet Baby #4's heartbeat, galloping along at a good strong 160. What a joy!
I remember one day, back at the end of June, just laying on the couch with Eva feeling her heart beat. After seeing Amara's still and silent heart, I had a new appreciation for the miracle that every beat is. Seeing and hearing the girls' heartbeats before they were born was fantastic and I even cried when we heard Eva's for the first time at 8 weeks, but I never had the opposite experience to compare it to. There is a term sometimes used for babies born after a miscarriage - they're called "rainbow babies". I think it's kind of a goofy term, but the sentiment is true. These are the babies that wouldn't be here without the darkness and the storm. The beauty of the rainbow can only be seen in its context and against the backdrop of heavy, saturated storm clouds. They're not any more important than "normal" babies, but they are an especially beautiful and merciful blessing in their context. We are still saddened by the death of our little Amara, but we are clinging to the promises of God as we continue to pray for this little one and thank Him for his many blessings to us.
Hearing a heartbeat tonight was wonderful and I think that as we near the end of the first trimester (I'm 11 weeks today) I am gradually becoming more and more at ease. Every little twinge still freaks me out, but not quite as much as they did a few weeks ago. I even went so far as to buy some new white onesies and newborn side-snap tees that were on clearance today at Wal-Mart. As the weather is cooling down I'm also starting to plan some knitting projects for this little one (Fall and Winter always inspire me to knit). I may as well go on record now and say that I'm thinking this will be another girl, considering that this pregnancy is feeling so very similar to the one I had with Eva. But then, we were convinced that Eva was a boy since it was so different from my pregnancy with Bella, so who knows, maybe we'll be proven wrong again. The only problem with another girl is that we're having a horrible time coming up with girl names. Bella, however, has been very helpful and suggested "Sugar Sparkle" and "Persephone Ladybug" the other night in a family name brainstorming session.
1 comment:
This gave me chills of excitement for you! Love it. Sometimes it is easier than others to taste the sweetness of God's mercies, and I am so thankful that the sweetness of this particular mercy is so saturated with sugar!
And Gabriel is convinced that his baby brother's name is "Mocha." Not sure how he came up with that, but that's his contribution to our name-game. ;)
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